You know you're in China when...

• You may have shorter legs but are still walking ten times faster than the rest of the population
• Toilet paper costs more than a bowl of noodles.
• You bargain for a taxi, and then discover you just bargained for a ride on a motorcycle (don’t assume the taxi he’s standing next to is actually his!).
• Umbrellas are used for protection from sun and rain, as well as to enforce personal space.
• “No Smoking” might more appropriately read “Please Smoke Here”.
• He who persists longer wins.
• Your mattress rivals Home Depot’s lumberyard.
• People eagerly try to make you feel comfortable while practicing their textbook English.
• You leave the insanity of the main street and turn down an alley, enter a world of peace, tranquility, laughter, and food.
• You still understand nothing.
• You have experienced, used, and actually meant the phrase “It’s all Chinese to me.”
• All modes of transportation beget spiritual behavior (prayer, more prayer).
• Try as we might to avoid Western creature comforts, you find yourself munching on Oreos andLays Chips more than you'd like to admit.
• You can judge the popularity of the karaoke music videos (played on almost all long-distance buses, along with C-rated Kung Fu movies) by the number of schoolgirls and elderly women singing along.
• You now understand why Singapore implemented a “no spitting” rule.
• Cell phones work absolutely everywhere.
• You've heard it so many times, that you actually begin to believe “Hellooooo” might be a word in Mandarin.
• English menus never fail to entertain. A few of my favorites: “strange tasting pork”, “fish flavored meat”, “questionable meat”, ham (may mean hotdog), “Red Ox” (Red Bull), and “Mixed vegetables” always seems to mean bok choy mixed with…. more bok choy.
• Even after two months, you still understand nothing (Or you just think you understand things, which gets you into even more trouble). "Wo Ting Bu Dong" (I don't understand) is your most used phrase.
• You yourself start staring and pointing at foreigners.